How we got here - pt. 2

When I dropped SG off at our friends' place, I told them that I'd be back in a couple hours and thank you so much for the help. My class was 2 hours long with a 5 minute break half way through. Just before break, I hear the text "ping" on my phone. I apologize to the class for leaving my phone on and let them go for a 5 minute break. I look at the text: "We're in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. SB needs immediate surgery." I'm stunned but I gather myself and think, "It's the sinus thing I'll bet. Maybe it was just a really urgent sinus issue." Yeah, I can do denial with the best of them.

I start to instinctively gather my things to leave before I even consciously understand what I'm doing. I begin to tell one of my TAs that he will have to end the class for me after break because I just got a text... I suddenly can't finish the sentence because tears are starting to form in my eyes. I breathe and say, "I just got a text that my son is being rushed to the hospital." I thank him and rush out, down stairs across walkways, down more stairs and into the car. I text frantically, "What is going on?" "I need more information." "Should I come now or pick up SG first?" Nothing is returned.

I decide to leave our daughter with our friends. I call them and tell them that I have no idea what's going on but SB is being rushed to the hospital for surgery and I'll come back later in the night for SG. "Of course," they say. "Leave her with us as long as you need." I rush down the busiest freeway in a America, back down to where we live. I don't even know which hospital he's in. Minutes later I get a text from TW: "It's a tumor."

I drive for 45 minutes, oscillating between stoic fortitude ("everything's going to be fine") and bewilderment ("what the f@*#!!!"). I tear up a few times but I'm mostly just stunned. It's not until I arrive at the hospital and see TW in the lobby for the first time that I fall apart. Not knowing anything yet, but just seeing the look on TW's face was enough. We held each other for a while and finally began to tell each other that it was going to be ok. She told me that there was a tumor on his cerebellum (later we would find out it was his brainstem) that was blocking the flow of fluid in his brain. He had severe hydrocephalus, which was the most immediate concern.We went up to the top floor, called "Pick-You," the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, and into our son's new bedroom. He was cheerful even though he had IVs in both arms. He was watching a show and eating a sandwich.

For the remainder of the day we would get a crash course on the brain and brain tumors (by the way, I do cultural research, I'm as far from hard science as you can get.) It was so overwhelming that I couldn't process it. I remained stoic and hopeful while TW broke down. I cancelled my DJ gig and spent the night on a mat next to his hospital bed. When we woke the next morning, the nurses were preparing SB for surgery.